Some late summer mornings I wake up and I think to myself:
I know what I’m gonna do! I’m gonna go ride across about six or seven hundred miles of desert in August. And then I’m gonna ride across the Rockies. I love hail. Don’t you love hail? Doesn’t everybody? And then I’m gonna ride across some big, old prairie. Maybe, during that part of my journey, I will run into one of them big, old lightening storms. They’re so dramatic and they smell so good. And then I’m gonna ride around and around in circles for about a week looking for a place to park.
And, after I finally find a place to park I know, based on my previous experience at being me, that I am probably never going to pick up a woman at any one of these things. But, also based on my previous experience at being me, I think I have a most excellent chance of picking up some bullshit charge.
Note to self: Bring an extra three hundred bucks.
I don’t really need a new rear tire but maybe I will ride over to Sundance anyway and pick up a new one. Maybe, check out Cheech and Chong at the Buffalo Chip. Gee, I wonder if there will be a Lynyrd Skynyrd tribute band this year? I sure hope I can find somebody willing to sell me a souvenir tee shirt.
Maybe I will even meet some real, live Iron Pigs. Maybe I will say hello to them in that real uppity, smart ass way some people say I have. Based on my previous experience at being me I have noticed that some people seem to think I am a smart ass. Especially the police. Yeah, yeah. I know what you are thinking. I don’t really see it either, personally, but that still seems to be what some people want to make me out to be. How come when I am quiet nobody ever remembers but when I am a smart ass nobody ever forgets?
Maybe when I say hello to the Iron Pigs they, being in great fear for their lives and acting in self defense, will put a cap or two in my ass. Oh well. Gotta be me.
Maybe I will get injured severely enough to sue somebody! I have always wanted to be able to say, “I’ll pay you back after my suit settles.” Maybe there will even be beer!
If I have to explain it to you, you wouldn’t understand. Okay?
I should be posting again by, oh let’s say, Monday, August 17th. Yeah, I know that Cheech and Chong have the power to drive men insane. And, I know that stupid people like the Iron Pigs don’t get irony. And, I can practically see that Colorado hailstorm from here. But based on my previous experience at being me I have learned that nothing will ever actually kill me. And, I believe I will have enough bail money. And, usually when I go for a ride I come back with at least one new story.