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Rockem Says Sin Mob Real

February 25, 2013

740 Comments

The former Hells Angel wanted to know why the hack writer didn’t call him before he wrote about him. “I don’t know, man. What do you think I got wrong? I thought I was pretty nice to you.” “Oh no,” Ralph “Rockem” Randolph replied. Randolph is a pleasant man, a former member of the Mesa, […]

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A Poem For Journalists

July 16, 2012

12 Comments

The press of the Spoon River Clarion was wrecked, And I was tarred and feathered, For publishing this on the day the Anarchists were hanged in Chicago: “I saw a beautiful woman with bandaged eyes Standing on the steps of a marble temple. Great multitudes passed in front of her, Lifting their faces to her […]

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The New, Improved, Dialogical Saloon, Wine And Cigar Bar

July 12, 2012

4,894 Comments

If you have been to the original Dialogical Saloon you know what to do.  The commodification  of bikers, Laffing Devils, RICO, Cop Clubs, RUBs, one percenter diamonds, Sons Of Anarchy, old ladies, funny noises women make during the physical act of love, farm animals, alphabet soup police, which is the very best motorcycle club of […]

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Old Ladies Get Show

June 26, 2012

53 Comments

One of the lesser known but more ominous signs of impending apocalypse is when The Aging Rebel runs a notice for a casting call. Lock your doors. Load the guns. Fill the bathtub with water. Yesterday this page got the following press release by email: CASTING CALL An award winning production company is looking for […]

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More Hollywood Crap

June 15, 2012

170 Comments

Long ago in another millennium, as Harley dealerships came to resemble the gift shops of Gatlinburg, crusty old bikers complained that the whole biker counterculture had become a “fashion show.” The grey beards were startled by the transformation of things people believed, felt, thought, loved and did into a pile of consumer goods. Way back […]

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A Lazy, Trivial Story

May 4, 2012

33 Comments

From James Alfred Quiroz For Christ sake Rebel, please tell us you got laid. Better yet, write a short story about the 19 year old with the giant tits you banged. Dear James Alfred Quiroz, Okay. That’s easy. Tina’s World Sprinting on rocks and air, glancing back, Rebel saw her hungry, lying, furious face. Tina […]

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Attention El Lay Anarchists

March 7, 2012

64 Comments

It has already been a long, dry spell for the devoted followers of the motorcycle outlaw television series Sons of Anarchy. It hasn’t been so bad for me because I don’t actually watch the show unless I am about to write something cruel and snide about it. But I know that many people who stumble […]

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Doin’ Tha Rebel Hustle

February 24, 2012

40 Comments

Okay here is the deal. I am, of course, uninsured and I just got back from a special kind of dentist called an endodontist. She charged me $125 to tell me that she wants to charge me another $1790 to “save” a tooth that I probably don’t need. But, you know, that tooth and I […]

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Retrieving Missing Screws

November 25, 2011

34 Comments

Dear Rebel, I dropped this little screw between my cylinders and now I can’t reach it. I don’t have a hemostat. I don’t want to go buy another screw. What can I do? Big Otto SOAFFSOA Dear Big Otto, First of all Otto, welcome home. Second, you should own a hemostat. When you sober up, […]

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How To Adjust Your Clutch

November 22, 2011

25 Comments

Dear Rebel, The other day, when I was strutting around the local Harley dealership, the service writer told me I should pay to have my clutch professionally adjusted. He also said that just the day before another rider had done $15,000 worth of damage to his motorcycle when he tried to adjust his own clutch. […]

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How To: Harley Seat Installation

September 5, 2011

48 Comments

This is the first in what will probably amount to approximately 300 million How To Harley-Davidson tips for novice riders. I have been advised that people love this stuff.  Question How do I install a new seat on my Harley Davidson 883 Sportster? Can I do this myself? Will I need special tools?  Answer Sure, […]

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