Von I. Meyer of Cedar Lake, Indiana continues to be held without bail today after an obnoxious domestic dispute with his wife on Friday. Cedar Lake is about 40 southwest of Chicago.
Meyer (photo above) is obviously guilty of at least three crimes. First, he wears a set of buttons on his forehead that his wife pushes whenever she wants to infuriate him. Second, Mrs. Meyer works in the cafeteria of the local elementary school which is within walking distance of the Meyer home. And finally, Meyer has been alleged to be a member of the Invaders Motorcycle Club which has been the subject of endless controversy and police harassment in northern Indiana for years.
Meyer and his wife got into it last Friday morning. Friday was, as goes without saying, a tragic day in America. A jobless and disgruntled representative of the videogame generation murdered a score of six-year-olds and eight adults. It was the sort of black and white villainy cops are eager to prevent. Most days they can only catch an old man berating his old woman.
For whatever reason, according to Mrs. Meyer, Mr. Meyer told his wife he intended to wait until she fell asleep then set her “on fire.” She pushed another button and he told her he would go to nearby Jane Ball Elementary School and kill her there and also kill anybody who tried to stop him. Mrs. Meyer then pushed the buttons on her phone and called the Cedar Lake Police. When she did, Von Meyer ran into the nearby woods that separate his home from the elementary school and hid.
Meyer returned home Saturday morning. His wife called the police again. As is the custom when members of motorcycle clubs are involved, the Cedar Lake Swat team was dispatched, Meyer was taken into custody and a press release was composed. Yes, Cedar Lake, Indiana has a Swat Team.
The press release spread around the world. This morning informed readers in the Borat countries know, as England’s Daily Mail put it, “An Indiana man with 47 guns and stocks of ammunition was arrested after threatening to go into a local elementary school and ‘kill as many people as he could before police could stop him.’” The weapons were “hidden” in the Meyers’ home. The guns were worth “$100,000.” “The school is easily accessed from Meyer’s home by a series of trails and paths that cut through a wooded area.” And finally and inevitably, Meyer is a “known member of Invaders Motorcycle Gang.”
“Like the notorious Hells Angels,” the Daily Mail added, “the Invaders Motorcycle Gang is also considered an outlaw group. The Northern Indiana chapter was founded in 1965.”
Meyer was charged with four counts of felony intimidation, one count of misdemeanor domestic battery and two counts of misdemeanor resisting law enforcement.
The next day Interim Cedar Lake Police Chief Jerry Smith told reporters he thought Meyer had been “bluffing” about the burning and the shooting. Smith said most of the 47 guns were “antique collector guns.”
The police chief described the married couple’s relationship as “turbulent” and he said police increased security at local schools after Meyer’s wife reported his threat because, “We just didn’t want to take any chances.”
“If people followed through on all the threats they’ve ever made,” Chief Smith said, “things said in anger that they don’t really mean and regret, our population in this country would be half of what it is. This was something he said in the heat of an argument. He hadn’t been plotting this.”
The Chief also announced that Meyer was not a member of the Invaders although he had been “affiliated” with the group when he was young.