Keep Your Sunny Side Up

December 17, 2012

All Posts, News

Von I. Meyer of Cedar Lake, Indiana continues to be held without bail today after an obnoxious domestic dispute with his wife on Friday. Cedar Lake is about 40 southwest of Chicago.

Meyer (photo above) is obviously guilty of at least three crimes. First, he wears a set of buttons on his forehead that his wife pushes whenever she wants to infuriate him. Second, Mrs. Meyer works in the cafeteria of the local elementary school which is within walking distance of the Meyer home. And finally, Meyer has been alleged to be a member of the Invaders Motorcycle Club which has been the subject of endless controversy and police harassment in northern Indiana for years.


Meyer and his wife got into it last Friday morning. Friday was, as goes without saying, a tragic day in America. A jobless and disgruntled representative of the videogame generation murdered a score of six-year-olds and eight adults. It was the sort of black and white villainy cops are eager to prevent. Most days they can only catch an old man berating his old woman.

For whatever reason, according to Mrs. Meyer, Mr. Meyer told his wife he intended to wait until she fell asleep then set her “on fire.” She pushed another button and he told her he would go to nearby Jane Ball Elementary School and kill her there and also kill anybody who tried to stop him. Mrs. Meyer then pushed the buttons on her phone and called the Cedar Lake Police. When she did, Von Meyer ran into the nearby woods that separate his home from the elementary school and hid.


Meyer returned home Saturday morning. His wife called the police again. As is the custom when members of motorcycle clubs are involved, the Cedar Lake Swat team was dispatched, Meyer was taken into custody and a press release was composed. Yes, Cedar Lake, Indiana has a Swat Team.

The press release spread around the world. This morning informed readers in the Borat countries know, as England’s Daily Mail put it, “An Indiana man with 47 guns and stocks of ammunition was arrested after threatening to go into a local elementary school and ‘kill as many people as he could before police could stop him.’” The weapons were “hidden” in the Meyers’ home. The guns were worth “$100,000.” “The school is easily accessed from Meyer’s home by a series of trails and paths that cut through a wooded area.” And finally and inevitably, Meyer is a “known member of Invaders Motorcycle Gang.”

“Like the notorious Hells Angels,” the Daily Mail added, “the Invaders Motorcycle Gang is also considered an outlaw group. The Northern Indiana chapter was founded in 1965.”

Meyer was charged with four counts of felony intimidation, one count of misdemeanor domestic battery and two counts of misdemeanor resisting law enforcement.


The next day Interim Cedar Lake Police Chief Jerry Smith told reporters he thought Meyer had been “bluffing” about the burning and the shooting. Smith said most of the 47 guns were “antique collector guns.”

The police chief described the married couple’s relationship as “turbulent” and he said police increased security at local schools after Meyer’s wife reported his threat because, “We just didn’t want to take any chances.”

“If people followed through on all the threats they’ve ever made,” Chief Smith said, “things said in anger that they don’t really mean and regret, our population in this country would be half of what it is. This was something he said in the heat of an argument. He hadn’t been plotting this.”

The Chief also announced that Meyer was not a member of the Invaders although he had been “affiliated” with the group when he was young.


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10 Responses to “Keep Your Sunny Side Up”

  1. Phuquehed Says:

    But…but…if he’s even an “affiliate”, he’s surely evil and supports all those mean nasty ‘gang’ members do!

    The retards in England…scared of their own shadows so much that they don’t even give their pigs guns. Of course anything that makes a group of more than two people in their neck of the woods will be considered a ‘gang’.

    Fucktards are running the mental ward.

  2. Tim Says:

    WTF, Thats HERESAY, I tell my ole lady when we get in an arguement fuck you, go call your fucken personal protection number 911, I tell her yeah, your in the wrong so u want protection, I dont hit her, but i tell her go fucken call em, she dont call them though,I wouldnt answer the door anyways,if the came,if my ole lady ever called 911 on me I would Kick her , not me out, then dump her ass, I dont like cop callers, and dont want those assholes around my house or involved in my fucken troubles with me and my ole lady, whats in our home stays in our home,and what I do outside of my home with friends “BIKE FRIENDS” stays with us no one else,it must be hard to trust an ole lady who works for the city, state, or county, and schools,Love Goes a long way, but man, as a person Meyers who rides and loves the unity and socializes with a club shouldnt be slamed and kept in jail, on hearsay by his ole lady,Im not trying to disrespect his ole lady, she knows better then to call 911, all ole ladys do.. I hope they release him soon,.Damn wtf.

  3. RayRay Says:

    any idiot that is stupid enough to threaten to go to a school and shoot people should be locked up and have his guns taken away… if he threatened to go to my kids school and shoot people he would regret it…

  4. KK Says:

    Three words you don’t want to hear when making love:

    Honey I’m Home.

  5. Tim Says:

    RAY RAY, he was in an arguement with his wife,and it might be hearsay,their r some women that like to call 911 and Lie,I my self never ever threaten anyone with a gun,If I pull it out Im gonna use it, and I am glad my ole lady never ever called 911 on me if Im pissed, she lets me calm down, and Im smart enough not to punch her, I dont want to go somewhere with my ole lady with knocked out teeth or a black eye,But if my ole lady did call 911, the door wouldnt be answered, and she would have to leave the house, not me,and if did threaten he should have a talkin to by his friends, not guns taken away, it obvious he didnt do anything,I love gals, but not when they use their personal mafia number 911 when they do wrong to their husband or ole man, and need protection,not trying to start shit with ya,ride free be free, Tim D.

  6. PigPen Says:

    tell ya what, i’ll be good enough to say, it could be a lie that some pissed off old bird would tell the cops. i know plenty of hateful broads that will say anything to get revenge on some perceived wrong from their man. including singing to the cops.
    but, if this really did happen, and this guy really said that stupid shit, then he is as dumb as a bag of fucking rocks. ive said plenty of crap to my old bird when we fight including, i’m going to burn this fucking house down while you’re sleeping. which of course can be considered a major threat against her, and sure enough get hauled away for.
    but when you say you are going to take out a school with kid’s in it, now you are certainly going to get attention. Not too many people will really get bent out of shape if me and my old bird go up in flames. but when you throw little sweet innocent kiddies into the mix, you might as well set fire to a puppy while you’re at it. that shit aint gonna fly, especially when the cops hear bout it.

  7. 10GUAGE Says:

    Choose your ol ladies carefully! My current ol lady and I have been together for fifteen years and I have not so much as called her a bitch let alone CUNT. There are certain things you can never take back and once you go there the fights seem to escelate very quickly……i had a cherokee Irish ol lady when I was much younger and we would get drunk and half the time she would try and kill me…LITERALLY…deal was the other half she would try and fuck me to death…or the neighbor, or my best friend, or my brother….turned out tobe more trouble than shes worth so I left it WAS EASY…and found someone I respect and she respects me..and I don’t have to raise my children in a house full of extreme violence like I was..and my mother was..and her father…and his father…DIG.?..Now I have had the pigs called on me by my exes for shit I did not do..and I have also very nearly did seven years for TCB on an exes new sancho because she lied to me, him, and the pigs….I have a brother who did ten on a terrible lie that could have gotten him killed and me for standing with him…..IT IS NOT WORTH THE HEADACHE let alone years of your life….There are plenty of righteous ol ladies out there that need love….or learn to make your own fuckin eggs and get your joint sucked by the hottie at the bar…LIFE IS WAY TOO SHORT TO WASTE IT On that kind of drama.

    I am not at all trying to preach to anyone..just give some advice that I wish I would have taken sooner in my life

    Delia oh Delia Delia all my life
    If I hadn’t shot poor Delia
    I’d have had her for my wife
    Delia’s gone one more round Delia’s gone

    I went up to Memphis and I met Delia there
    Found her in a parlor
    And tied her to a chair
    Delia’s gone one more time Delia’s gone

    She was low down trifling
    She was cold and mean
    Kind of evil make me want to grab my sub-machine
    Delia’s gone one more round Delia’s gone

    First time I shot her, I shot her in the side
    Hard to watch her suffer
    With the second shot she died
    Delia’s gone one more round Delia’s gone

    Jailer oh jailer, jailer I can’t sleep
    Because all around my bedside
    I here the patter of Delia’s feet
    Delia’s gone one more round Delia’s gone

    So if your woman’s devilish
    You can let her run
    Or you can bring her down and do her
    Like Delia got done
    Delia’s gone one more round Delia’s gone


  8. One Eye Says:

    @10G: You’re spot on. I have a great OL, but it’s been through a lot of crashes and burns. I was living with a perpetual victim/drama queen and I just got tired of the whole scene. The constant,”oh, woe is me,” the negativity and finally I started packing to split. The first funny reaction was that she was in total disbelief that I wanted to end it; the second was while I was packing I heard a knock at the door where two of the city’s finest were standing in front of the house. One was a female cop, who obviously was very eager to show me that she possessed male genitalia and the other was a motorcycle cop with the biggest Gazoo helmet I had ever seen. Man, I didn’t know if she had brought her partner or a fucking parade float. After spewing out how I had threatened my beloved, that she was in fear for her life, that I have connections to bikers, I ate the last piece of pizza, I was the man on the grassy knoll they warned me that they ever returned I would be arrested and jailed.
    Now, you have to picture this: I just returned from a weekend away with my son and we had gone to see a concert and had a good time, so I was still moving slowly. I was standing there in a Social Distortion beater and sleep pants with my hands in my pockets when Gazoo head put his hand on his gun and YELLED for me to remove my hands from my pockets so he could see my hands at all times.
    They pursed their lips, they furrowed their brows and they really tried to do the Clint squint. I calmly told them that they had interrupted my packing and that NOBODY wanted to get the hell out of that house, that city or away from psycho drama queen more than I did. I then asked if I looked stupid enough to utter threats when that would get me arrested. Surprisingly they agreed, took it down a notch and calmly said if they had to come back I would be arrested. I told them that if that was case we’d never see one another again. My last words to them was that they suggest to my lying little sweetheart that she stop watching so much Bill Kurtis on A&E.

  9. Tim Says:

    Pigpen… I agree with you all the way…..

  10. Cap'n Bill Says:

    10G, ain’t it the truth. I was lucky enough to find a good one, after MANY bad ones.
    There are enough out there, ya just gotta find the little darlins…

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