A Lazy, Trivial Story

May 4, 2012

All Posts, Cheese Whiz

From James Alfred Quiroz

For Christ sake Rebel, please tell us you got laid. Better yet, write a short story about the 19 year old with the giant tits you banged.

Dear James Alfred Quiroz,

Okay. That’s easy.

Tina’s World

Sprinting on rocks and air, glancing back, Rebel saw her hungry, lying, furious face. Tina was just 19 but she looked 35. And, the first time Rebel saw her she was dancing around a fire naked. He wanted her so much he ran away. Then he came back. And, he had her. And, he couldn’t stop. That’s all. He couldn’t stop and because he couldn’t stop was why this trouble followed.

Booger Butch was out behind Tina so fast his front door unhinged. Butch had a rifle in his hands. There was no time to start the bike. Rebel heard the heavy footsteps slow. Butch was close enough for Rebel to hear him wheeze and pant.

And, when he heard that first shot Rebel had to laugh. “Thank you Jesus that Butch can’t shoot for shit.” The laugh lingered in the desert like a hammer striking brass. And, it was a mistake to think that just because Butch was fat and slow and out of breath there might yet be time to laugh.

Gasping, stumbling, scrambling over the ancient rocks Rebel finally crested a bank of gravel and sand. And as he started down the other side he felt himself flying through the air. And for a small slice of a second he thought he had found a miracle. But he found something else instead. “All women are crazy,” he thought. And, that was his last thought after his last laugh.


Also, Tina had giant tits.

The End

your pal,




33 Responses to “A Lazy, Trivial Story”

  1. observer Says:

    Mr. Quiroz’s initials seem familiar…

  2. ruffrider Says:

    I have a story quite like that only instead of the desert it was an appartment complex in North Long Beach in the very late 60’s. Her name was Edda and wile she wasn’t as good looking as your chick she did have as big a tits if I remember right. While I never knew his name he knew mine or at least he thought he did. He kept calling me “Come here you motherfucker”

    Respect to Most

  3. Caretaker Says:

    Just noticed it myself… Jaq is back lol (did he ever leave?)

  4. troyez Says:

    “…but she looked 35”

  5. sled tramp Says:

    I’m not the best looking guy; some would say I’m a little frayed around the edges these days.
    But, I have a nice bike, a little money, and I spend most of my time casually riding from place to place.
    I met a nice-looking girl in the park the other evening. There was an instant spark between us.
    She did this cute little dance, then immediately dropped to her knees and lay on the grass at my feet.
    As we lay making love, I thought, “Damn, these Tasers are really worth the money!”

  6. troyez Says:

    “a cute little dance”
    You guys are killing me! Ha ha ha!

  7. observer Says:

    sled tramp: Here’s one you left behind in Santa Cruz…


  8. ruffrider Says:

    @ sled tramp

    “There was an instant spark between us.”

    Thats funny stuff


  9. sled tramp Says:

    Halfway through the video I was drinking like a fish….three quarters through,I was contemplating ritual suicide….by the end I knew why I left California.

  10. rollinnorth Says:

    “What is it, Tattoo?”
    The troll, the troll!!!

    Happy Derby Day!

    Happy Cinqo de Mayo!


  11. YYZ Skinhead Says:


    I live in North Long Bitch. Nothing has changed since the 60s. All the peop–the inhabitants around here are hybrids of chimps and refugees from a grade-Z zombie flick, with the intelligence of neither. I can empathise.

    YYZ Skinhead

  12. Glenn S. Says:

    Rebel, I think, had it been me, that I would have done the blonde with the imaginary AK-47. Bap. Hit ‘n run. Gone to her room, rather than take her to mine. So I could slip out, quickly and quietly afterwards. Unless it was really, really good, in which case I might have fallen in love and taken her home with me, and then felt betrayed when she turned out to have a thousand unexploded emotional issues mostly related to childhood trauma, and a taste for the expensive and unearned.

  13. RVN69 Says:

    “sled tramp Says:
    May 4th, 2012 at 11:14 pm
    Halfway through the video I was drinking like a fish….three quarters through,I was contemplating ritual suicide….by the end I knew why I left California.”

    But like dude, she was like so coversant in like so many like different like things.

    I did’t last halfway, but I did think the guy with the woman timing him was funny. But I do understand why people like her would make swallowing the business end of a .12ga seem reasonable.

    “Sometimes the majority just means all the fools are on the same side”

  14. Grumbler Says:

    Not that anyone gives a flip, but this is why I left CA for ID in 2002: http://www.brigofdon.com/images/twistyroad.jpg

  15. rollinnorth Says:

    Makes sense to me.

  16. Grumbler Says:

    rollinnorth – I still enjoy road trips to NorCal in Humbolt County, etc. I would highly recommend a ride to the Washington Hotel in Washington, CA. It’s a great watering hole and cafe with rear deck overlooking the Yuba River. Usually doesn’t have any LEOs out there. Some of my friends were a little spooked by the ‘Deliverance’ culture. I was digging the hell out of it.


  17. observer Says:

    RVN69: Second half has maybe the “best” parts: UFO guy, “used condom in my dog’s mouth” lady, and some guy like us getting tossed for being too real.

    Grumbler: Is that pic for REAL? or just metaphoric photoshop?
    Even if it’s Impressionism or something, it might as well be real.

  18. Grumbler Says:

    observer – It’s real AFAIK. That’s the I-5/I-805 merge by Sorrento Valley. 21 lanes at widest point then 19 lanes for awhile. A lane-splitting nirvana!

  19. rollinnorth Says:

    Thanks for the tip. “‘Deliverance’ culture”, good one!

  20. Doc Jones Says:

    For the first time in my life I have a wonderful wife and no “twist and twirls” on the side. It’s different than the old days but I wouldn’t change a thing!!

  21. Junior Says:

    Thought i’d throw my most memorable “gettin laid” story: back in my mid-twenties I took the bike to spring break for the first time (myrtle beach,sc). I couldn’t believe how many 18-21 y.o. girls wanted a ride. I’d ride them around then ask if they wanted to drink a beer. The beer was in the small fridge in my hotel room (coincidence). I ended up *ucking 3 different gals that night in my hotel room. None of them knew about the others and #3 stayed all night,,,never forget that night!

  22. Stroker Says:

    ok, ok. enuf time has gone by. You end yer story with:

    “And for a small slice of a second he thought he had found a miracle. But he found something else instead. “All women are crazy,” he thought. And, that was his last thought after his last laugh.”

    WHAT DID HE (you) FIND??? What is the “something else??” A half-loaded 38 police special? Tina’s Mom? A used condom? Jimmy Hoffa?? I know, I know, this is “poetic license”…..we’re supposed to let our imagination figger it out…..but I keep thinking you’re gonna
    finish the story somewhere, somehow, sometime….??!!

    Gawd.the suspense is killin’ me!

  23. observer Says:

    Maybe what he found was the Great Truth of the Universe: “All women are crazy,” as well as man’s udder helplessness in the face of “giant tits.”

  24. Sieg Says:

    Guess this is a sufficiently obscure thread ro ressurect…

    To start with, watdafuk, all he found is that all women are crazy. A great and profound universal truth. Then he died.

    But the REAL reason I’m posting is to see if you can hook-up a “request deletion” option on OTHER peoples posts?!

    Frkn trolls and piggers are gettin so thick n mouthy it’s seriously messin up the ambiance here.


  25. JMacK Says:

    I’d second that motion Sieg. I’m all for a little banter but some of these assholes are messin with a good thing. Scrolling past em is easy enough but they are preventing good people from posting. Fuckin trolls.

    And yes. It’s as simple as that. Women are crazy.

    Respects. To most

  26. WARTHOG Says:

    The good Lord giveth and the evil woman taketh away.

    All in favor say ‘Aye’…





  27. Base Says:


    Sometimes they do!


    Aim Straight & True

  28. Snow Says:

    The way I look at it if your gunna lose your shit to a woman it should be a really good looking woman.
    Never feed a troll
    Support Your Local
    FTF. FTP

  29. jrnr Says:


    A big fucking AYE!


    jrnr ϟϟ

  30. fayettenamhoe Says:

    thanks Tina, yours remindss me, of a taste, that missed, good god, there were somany standing in line,just for you, i just had to walked away, let me be, you have more than i could want, and its not me, thank you i know when to fall, and i thanky, let me be,——–before i raise anther fool, just like another, another fool, i’m sure, you been used to dead another just likee we, go find you another pretty put down, i’m sure he loves you too, thats what they all say, in the midddle of the dday, booo hooo

  31. fayettenamhoe Says:

    they allways say the same dam thing, I love you baby can I cum in your mouth and spit it out in my face, next time , I wont’t miss the target

  32. fayettenamhoe Says:

    its what you want sweetheart, no blow job involved

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