Doin’ Tha Rebel Hustle

February 24, 2012

All Posts, Cheese Whiz

Okay here is the deal. I am, of course, uninsured and I just got back from a special kind of dentist called an endodontist. She charged me $125 to tell me that she wants to charge me another $1790 to “save” a tooth that I probably don’t need. But, you know, that tooth and I have been through a lot and I am considering trying to “save” it. I have gotten very sentimental the last couple years, I suppose.

Also, that little chore killed most of the day.

So instead of writing something you might find interesting, I am going to share some very important information with you today.


Learn Rebel’s most intimate thoughts in the And Magazine interview here.

I do not know what And Magazine is, exactly, and I am not sure why I am in it. But I answered some guy’s questions and now there I am. My interview is practically next to a photograph of Natalie Portman demonstrating that she likes to shove her fist in her mouth. I understand that you are more interested in Natalie Portman than you are in me.

Let me be the first to commend you on your excellent taste. Me too, especially when Natalie does that thing with her mouth. I also can’t help but notice that she appears to have most of her teeth. See Natalie Portman here.


Would someone with lots of time on his hands please tell the Huffington Post that I wrote: “If the federal case against Mongol Christopher Bryan ‘Stoney’ Ablett proves anything, it proves that American federal ‘justice’ is a crooked shell game played in a back alley at midnight.” Look here.

Somebody at this fine internet publication obviously likes that sentence. Maybe he would also like to buy one of my books. I guarantee they all include lots of sentences.

Little Boxes

The books Out Bad and The Aging Rebel are both now available on kindle. Buy them by clicking on the titles and following the instructions you find after you do.  Be sure to have your credit cards ready!

Before you buy you should know that clinical tests conducted under rigorous, scientific conditions emphatically prove that reading these books on a little box that looks like a big iPhone will both lengthen and enhance the quality of your life. Typical side effects include being bothered by beautiful women who want to show how far they can shove their fists into their mouths while you are reading. Approximately 30 percent of readers report finding bags of money on the ground after reading Out Bad or The Aging Rebel on a little box. Other readers reported finding bags of drugs. Little boxes sold separately.

Please click some ads before you go. Probably I will get back to writing something worth reading tomorrow. Damned bike needs some work, too.

One More Thing To Pitch

Also, I am trying to sell copies of a book called The Working Press.  It has all the same side effects the other books do except it has also been scientifically proven to lengthen your penis and narrow your waist.  Click the title.  It is long.  Like almost everything else I write, it has a biker in it. Eventually. After all the sex.


40 Responses to “Doin’ Tha Rebel Hustle”

  1. observer Says:

    If your endo babe suddenly shifts gears in mid-procedure, and instead of the steady progress with the little files seems instead to be manipulating something like tweezers, it’s because the tip of a file has snapped off, somewhere in the bottom-most recess of your root canal, and she is hoping to get it out the easy way. Send her encouraging thoughts.

  2. Bookworm Says:

    When you grin,if you can see the tooth I would say do your best to keep it. I know someone who always forgets to wear their partial. They were given the partial because when they finally decided to go to the dentist, they wanted every bad tooth ripped out of their head. Now they regret it. I had root canals with caps put in. I rarely think about them because its almost like the real teeth I had before.
    I’ve read Out Bad three times, Aging Rebel once, and look at the cover for Summers, but havent started yet. I also have a habit of clicking ads and going to the fridge for beers.

  3. bob Says:

    a dental plan only covers about a grand over the space of a year,anyway.I dug the shit out of Out Bad.I also bought the short story book.I admire anybody who can play tunes onstage or get the written word published ,but fuck that last short story in that book.The nuke holocaust story rocked .Sorta topical ,with the upcoming Iran-Israel festivities on tap.

  4. Phuquehed Says:

    You mean someone at the Huffing-glue Post actually knows how to read or write?

  5. Fumes Says:

    Your links take people to the paperback editions. They’ll need to be sure to look for other formats to get the Kindle versions. I’ve bought both the hard copy and Kindle versions. You’re a fair journalist and that’s all too rare these days. You deserve all the support we can give you.

  6. I.J Says:

    I had a dentist charge me Aust$100 to tell me she wasn’t strong enough to pull the tooth cause she was a womwan……

  7. Pervert Says:

    A fifth of Crown, $19.95, and a pair of needle nose vise grips seemed to work for me.

  8. YYZ Skinhead Says:

    I bought this book and dropped 6 pant sizes in a week.

    (looks down) Wait, what the FUCK?

    YYZ Skinhead

  9. Austin Says:

    The HuffPost @ “here” (

    says your sentence came from here:
    The Mongols Motorcycle Club reacted to the news on the group’s blog:

    where there is a whole lot more of your damn fine writing than just one sentence.

    It’s time to do a bookworm – “habit of clicking ads and going to the fridge for beers” Bwaahahahaha!

    @observer LOL – there is a file tip in at least one of my root canals Hahaha –

  10. Rebel Says:

    Dear Fumes,

    Thank you. You should be able to get the kindle on the same page as the paper. I appreciate your kind words.


  11. Rebel Says:

    Dear XYZ Skinhead,

    Yes those are tuypical side effects of reading the books.


  12. Rebel Says:

    Dear Pervert,

    No, no, no! I want to pull my own tooth! Not some fucking yuppie’s!


  13. Rebel Says:

    Dear Phuqued,

    They read but do not understand.


  14. Rebel Says:

    Dear Bob,

    Yeah, well, you can’t hit a homerun all the time. On the last story, I wanted to try one where the payoff was the guy was a ghost. The holocaust story might have been my least favorite. I liked the one with the guy who died from road debris.


  15. Rebel Says:

    Dear Bookworm,

    Bless you dude!


  16. Rebel Says:

    Dear observer,

    Thanks for your encouraging words. I will probably have the thing pulled. I would just get somebody to punch me in the mouth but I am afraid he would knock out the wrong tooth.


  17. C8652 Says:

    YYZ SH,

    That was good.


  18. sherides Says:


    The televsion?



    Please tell me that was your sarcasm at it’s finest.

  19. Philo Says:


    You should sue the HuffPo; they have a long and sorted history of pledgerism.

  20. Philo Says:

    P.S. you’re not alone. There will always be a hot meal, a cold beer, and a few gallons of scooter juice for you should you ever find yourself up here ..

  21. Rebel Says:

    Dear sherides,

    At the moment I said it, I loved my television more than my motorcycle. That is a long, boring story, in and of itself.


  22. BigV Says:

    Rebel: My dream is to win the lottery, and fly you out to ride the Blue Ridge Parkway with me. And then I can have plenty of time to click ads on your page.

    Still, if you get the hankerin’ to leave El Lay and come back east, you can always come stay with me. If you don’t mind consorting with a convict, of course…

    Take care sir, you remain an inspiration.

  23. OneEye Says:

    TOOTH?! I don’t need no stinkin’ tooth!! I have have ordered Working Press, and I am looking forward to expanding my horizons. Cheers.

  24. YYZ Skinhead Says:


    Much obliged sir.

    YYZ Skinhead

  25. Rebel Says:

    Dear OneEye,

    You are a prince among men! I owe you a drink!


    Ps If I asked you to punch me in the mouth do you think you could hit the corrrect tooth?

  26. Rebel Says:

    Dear Big V,

    I have been on the Blue Ridge Parkway and it would be a pleasure to ride with you. But first you should lose that windshield. How is that little matter going by the way?


  27. troyez Says:

    I didn’t know you liked Joseph Conrad, I’m a big fan of “Heart of Darkness.” I’d really like to read more of his stuff, of course, after I read more of your stuff!
    The Huff-n-puff can die and burn as far as I care, they’re not worth a click – I’d say more about how I hate them but I don’t want to waste my words.
    Good luck on the tooth my friend, what ever you do, don’t go to the VA in Chicago! They damaged my jaw and caused me indescribable pain – 7 Vicodin at once didn’t touch it.
    I clicked the Natalie Portman link, but was disappointed – she came close to putting her whole hand in her mouth, but no cigar.

  28. Rebel Says:

    Dear Troyez,

    Yeah, I’m a big Conrad fan. I am a big fan of several writers who had to write everyday to keep a roof over their heads. Sorry about Portman.


  29. RVN69 Says:

    Donald Charles Davis, Best Selling Author, that has a nice ring to it!

    Potius Mori Quam Foedare

  30. Abraham Iker Says:

    Congrats on the new book Rebel.

    Would the amount of money spent on the tooth be enough to get the scooter back to the top of the list? That is usually how my financial decisions go.

    The last time I was on the Blue Ridge Parkway I got passed by a ghost on a motorcycle (maybe) and nearly hit a bear in the middle of the road while going up Mt. Mitchell.

    The “ghost” was a white haired dude on a white something-glide that was so close he was almost in my saddlebag and when he didn’t actually pass me I looked back and he was gone. Maybe he had advance warning about the bear.

  31. OneEye Says:

    I thank you for such praise. I’m not trying to sound like a sycophant, but I also ordered, “A Summer’s Worth of Bitter Ends: Six Sad Stories.” As far as the drink goes, after several ice cold PBRs, I’m often transformed into a superhero. I haven’t tried dentistry, but I’m always looking for a way to expand my resume.

  32. Rebel Says:

    Dear Abraham Iker,

    Thank you.

    The bike is a little thing, a manageable thing. I just now live in an apartment and park the bike in a garage with sloped floors and no light. I lost most of my tools a while ago and I there are some things I can no longer do for myself. It is no big deal. Bike first, then tooth. The tooth is just a problem and some yuppie dentists are trying to push me into spending serious dollars right now. It will all work out.

    Sorry about the bear. I encounter ghosts on the road all the time.


  33. BigV Says:

    Dear Rebel:

    Thanks for asking. I’m surprised you remembered, but it means something to me you did.

    Pretty much, I lost everything. I’ve been jobless for about 4 months, and even if I was acquitted- which given the legal environment of where I was arrested is unlikely- I wouldn’t be allowed to return because of the smear of being a “criminal”. The other thing is that people I worked with had a major problem with the fact I ride.

    You explained a concept in your book that goes by the technical term of “acceptance of responsibility”. I imagine I’ll be eating… er… accepting responsibility for at least one thing. The rest was surplusage and baseless.

    It sucks because I honestly wasn’t doing anything except minding my own business and driving home.

    Thanks for remembering.

  34. Rebel Says:

    Dear BigV,

    I am very sorry about that. I wish I had the words to put that more cogently. Maybe I will be able to say something that sounds better than bullshit after I think on it for awhile. For now I am sorry. Fucking cops!


  35. KK Says:

    Big V, Don’t mean to peak in your room of conversation here, but I wish you the best man. I’ve been jammed up as well, hopefully it all works out. ABC- Adversity Builds Character.


  36. Grumbler Says:

    Rebel – Americans pay a third to a half of the U.S. price for any dental procedure in Mexico although it’s a buyer beware culture. Friends of mine went down there and couldn’t be happier with the prices and results. If you’re interested, I’ll ask them for the contact information. That said, am among those who absolutely refuse to travel south of the border for personal reasons.

  37. RVN69 Says:

    I know it is worthless, but my best to you in your current troubles. It seems that every incident always turns into an experiment in maximum charges.

    Potius Mori Quam Foedare

  38. Woodstock Says:

    Is that fuzzy pixelated picture at the beginning of the interview you? If it is you do kinda look like everybody’s favorite wild west psycho killer Georgia dentist.

  39. Nuke n' Pave Dave Says:

    Rebel, I have done a certain amount of “freelance dentistry” in bars over the years and am quite willing to offer my services to you gratis. Furthermore, it has been damn near forty years since I pulled the wrong tooth on a guy. But then, I do think it was his fault for howling in pain when I just barely wiggled the tooth next to it. Let me close by saying I do have references and satisfied customers if you find yourself interested in my services…

  40. ships of chittim Says:

    describe all the ghosts you and others here have seen, in a book. id buy it.

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