Someone has to tell you. You and Harley-Davidson…well…. You are the half of “the relationship” that still thinks everything is just fine. Meanwhile, Harley has convinced itself that it can do a lot better than you.
Look, don’t you love Harley-Davidson? Don’t you want Harley-Davidson to be happy? Well then you understand why Harley is dumping you. Harley has needs, damnit! Insatiable needs. Harley needs someone younger, hipper and sexier than you.
An analyst told Harley to do it. Not just one analyst but many analysts. The most recent analyst is financial analyst Dara Mohsenian of the, presumably, still solvent investment firm JP Morgan.
Yeah, right. Harley is taking advice from the same geniuses who told the Bush Administration how to grow the economy. But, don’t go there. Harley has already stopped listening to you.
The Analyst Says
“Long-term demographic trends for Harley’s core customers are unfavorable,” Mohsenian wrote, “given high exposure to older consumers and low exposure to younger consumers, which we think is a negative issue under-appreciated in the investment community.”
The bike with which Harley is going to seduce that long line of “younger consumers” and satisfy its appetite for ever bigger profits is, of course, for the seventh year in a row, the V-Rod. Which calls to mind Albert Einstein’s famous crack that, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
But wait, Harley counters. This is not just another V-Rod. This is a “non-traditional pairing of sophisticated style and brute strength.” The way the motor company is finally going to dump you for somebody good is with a model called the “2009 V-Rod Muscle.”
The New V-Rod Blah Blah Blah
“The new V-Rod Muscle features a powerfully sculpted new physique that exudes a contemporary and urban sense of style. The Muscle’s long, low profile and super wide rear tire are inspired by the drag strip, while the free-revving performance of the liquid-cooled Revolution V-Twin engine co-developed with Porsche give it an unmatched combination of power and sophistication.”
So probably, it is not for you, the traditional, unsophisticated Harley-Davidson consumer. Which is why, “Harley-Davidson chose to launch the new 2009 V-Rod Muscle in a distinctly non-traditional way-by teaming up with American Supermodel Marisa Miller in an innovative marketing campaign to introduce the latest addition to Harley-Davidson’s high-performance line of V-Rod motorcycles.”
Miller is the lingerie model of the moment. She was on the cover of the most recent Sports Illustrated’s swimsuit edition, and you have seen her in Maxim, if you read Maxim, GQ, Esquire. Probably the statement you are trying to make as you carefully choose your ensemble each day differs from that of the typical GQ subscriber so maybe you missed her there. However, if you have a secret tape of Victoria’s Secret commercials in your bottom drawer you can probably find her in there.
Think Of Yourself As Her Dad
Miller knows who you are even if she wouldn’t want to date you. “I have grown up watching my dad and uncle ride Harleys,” she is quoted as saying in Harley’s press release.
The V-Rod Muscle has a 67 inch wheelbase. The seat is 26.7 inches off the ground. The bike weighs 675 pound wet, features a fat rear tire, supposedly makes 105 horsepower out of the box and costs about $19,000 plus tax, plus registration and insurance.
Even though it looks like it in the ad, Marissa Miler is not actually a part of the bike.