The Dialogical Saloon Is Open

November 1, 2011

All Posts, Editorials, Features

News, in case you haven’t noticed, is undergoing a radical redefinition these days.

For more than 30 years the dominant television news format was called “Eyewitness News.” An actor would “stand up” in front of a camera near some recent event and try to give you the impression that he was an eyewitness to that event. Nobody except television executives ever bought this dramatization but the format persisted anyway. That is why you saw reporters standing outside the cemetery at Steve Tausan’s funeral last Saturday. Old ways die hard.

Eyewitness news is now being replaced by a new and improved kind of news called the “dialogical format.” Headline News and CNN are both switching to it. Fox News is into the dialogical format in a big way. The dialogical format saves money that can be better spent on political contributions and executive compensation.  There is less expensive remoting of reporters. More stories are reported from inside a newsroom. The footage that accompanies the story often comes from some guy’s cell phone. The idea of dialogical news is no longer news. The idea is to put up any old crap (content)  and invite people to talk about it on the network website. And, this approach isn’t just for television news. It is quickly leaking into print.

Hard Hitting

Raise your hand when you see what is coming. ATF agents are particularly going to like this one.

People will argue over anything. People are invited to go to websites and “Tell us what you think.” News is now actually an advertisement for the station, network or newspaper website. Sometimes viewers and readers are invited to report the news themselves. Networks call them “I-reporters” or something like that. The goal is always the same in the new and improved journalism. Get people to habitually go to your website, spend some time and click on links, ads and other stories and create what is usually called “user generated content.”

We here at the world famous and highly prestigious niche site The Aging Rebel don’t want our faithful readers to feel left out. So, we are going to try that here, at least this once.

Cutting Edge

Look, the truth is, there isn’t much news today anyway. About a day ago Paul Elias of The Associated Press reported that the Hells Angels were having a rough month. Wasn’t that insightful? This is a slow week so far. And, last week a commenter asked very politely if maybe sometime we might just put up a little forum where anybody could create any thread they want. You know, like a virtual saloon.

You asked for it! Tells us what you think!

Content You Can Trust

There is no news here, just like TV! There is only our dozens and dozens of I-reporters! And, we want you all to get drunk before you comment…er…report. Use any alias you want. We are following the TV model here so we would prefer you make as little sense as possible but if you have to stoop to reason go ahead.

Tell us what you think!

Will Doc Cavazos ever show up on the Federal Prisoner Locator? Is the ATF history? Will jay Dobyns ever shut up. He was quoted in that AP story, by the way. Anybody got access to Dobyn’s tax returns?  Is this the greatest season of SAMCRO ever? What about Katey Sagal? Would you hit that? How come Rebel hardly ever writes about the Bandidos? Or, as we call them in dialogical news land, the Banditos. Gypsy Jokers? Outlaws? How come Rebel don’t write about the Pagans no more? The Highwaymen? Did the Galloping Goose get old? Will Rebel ever publish Out Bad? Which motorcycle club is next? How come the ATF is hiding in biker cases?

Shameless Pandering

Are the NIGHT WOLVESSSS IN DA HOUSEEEEE!!!!!!!????? You guys like that video of that Russian dude with the minigun? That was for you, you know. What do you really think of Vladimir Putin?

London Angels. Tell everybody a story about hanging out with the Rolling Stones in the 60s. Back before Altamont.

Give it up for the HAY to the TEE to the FUCK YOU WE’RE THE ATF!!!! Tell us what you think T-Dogg! Are the Angels a bunch of pussys or what? Koz? I know you are out there. Come on Koz. Smile. Hollywood? Painter? You out of rehab yet, man? Torres? This is your chance guys!

Let’s be frank, okay? The American postmodernist John Barth once said there are things worth doing and things worth remarking. This might be one of those things worth mentioning but not actually worth doing.

Let’s find out together! There is no news here! Tell us what you think!


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2,384 Responses to “The Dialogical Saloon Is Open”

  1. Austin Says:

    @anon = I saw Sons of Anarchy LOL

  2. Austin Says:

    Little Johnny is walking down the street with a jar of money under his arm and dragging along a dead frog on a string… He walks into a whorehouse and sets the jar of money on the counter. He proclaims to the woman standing behind it “I want to have sex with the dirtiest, nastiest woman you have here.” She glares at him and replies “get outta here kid, you’re too young.” Little Johnny retorts, pointing at the jar and says “look, lady- I’m paid. Let me get what I want.”
    She reluctantly agrees, and points him towards a door down the hall. “Meet Yolanda, she’s a veteran.” He does the deed and walks out of the room, still zipping up his pants. The lady behind the counter asks him if he realizes the consequences of his actions. He replies, “Yes. I came here hoping for an STD, and I’ve gotten what I wanted.” Perplexed, she asks him why.
    He replies,
    “My mom and dad are on vacation. When I get home, the babysitter is going to have sex with me. That’s what she’s into. She’s going to get an STD. When mom and dad get home, mom will go to the grocery store and dad will have sex with the babysitter. He will have an STD. Once mom gets home, she will have sex with dad and SHE will get an STD. When dad leaves for work in the morning, mom is going to have sex with the Mailman… and HE’S THE MOTHER FUCKER WHO RAN OVER MY FROG”

  3. ak rack Says:

    @Austin — Your Little Johnny story made me laugh out loud — thanks!

  4. rollinnorth Says:

    More BS at Bike Week; Laconia just ain’t what it used to be.

    “Financial fiasco – Artists, employees took over festival after concert promoters disappeared Thursday

    June 20, 2016

    LACONIA — When the music stopped at LaconiaFest, the city was out some $100,000 in expenses for safety and emergency services, contractors and suppliers found themselves with unpaid bills and employees recouped a fraction of their wages only after taking charge of the event and staging the last two concerts themselves.”


  5. Shovelhead Says:

    I made my last trip to Laconia Bike week Friday. I tried to hang on but like you said rollingnorth…just ain’t like it used to be!!
    Fucking State Pigs in the middle of the road again just randomly pulling over Motorcyclists, how that’s even legal, I don’t know. That and the greed infested City of Laconia. Screw ’em all. I’ve got better things to do. The Yuppies have taken over anyhow…they can have it!

  6. Austin Says:

    A trucker made a stop at an off-the-road café and placed his order.
    “I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights, and a pair of running boards.”
    A blond waitress (it was her first day on the job) didn’t want to look stupid in front of the customer. So she went to the kitchen and asked the cook, ‘This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?”
    “No,” the cook replied. ‘Three flat tires means three pancakes. A pair of headlights means two eggs sunny side up. And a pair of running boards means 2 slices of crisp bacon!”
    “Oh. OK!” said the blonde, relieved to finally understand the code words. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.
    The trucker asked, “What are the beans for, blondie?”
    She replied, “I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up! ”

  7. caretaker Says:

    Austin-thank’s for thati need a good laugh right now.


  8. Austin Says:

    The health minister is visiting a psychiatric ward. He asks the head of psychology, “How do you determine if a patient is cured.”
    The psychologist explains:
    “We take them to the bathtub, which is filled with water, hand them a spoon and a cup and ask them to empty the bathtub.”
    “I see,” says the health minister, “The cured person would choose the cup because it`s bigger, and would empty the tub faster.”
    “Actually no,” replies the psychologist, “A normal person would simply pull the plug.”

  9. Lady Says:

    Just dropping in to let you guys know that I have not forgotten you. I’m just an email or call away.

    Huge hugs and total Respect to those that have earned and deserve it!

    It’s a Black and White World!!!

    Much love,

  10. Muck 1%er Says:

    Was good talking to you the other day. Stay safe on your side of the planet.

    Love & Big Hugs

  11. caretaker Says:

    to all-due to recent bs i won’t be around much. finding a place to stay sucks but i’ll make it through. seems everyone i called friend forgot how to answer a phone so fuck them. looks like i’m heading to florida in the next 2 days when i come up with the funds or i’m camping somewhere. had to sell everything to break even. i’ll be back as soon as i can. just know yall are in my thoughts and i hope to be back on my feet soon

  12. NCRider Says:

    caretaker – I want to tell you that I sincerely hate to read you are having such a rough time right now. I have seen more than once on here where you have offered to help others. I hope the path you are taking will lead you to the opportunities that you deserve. Please return as soon as you can. You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers.

    Much Respect and Take Care,


  13. Phuquehed Says:

    Saddens me to hear about your predicament, caretaker. I’m unfortunately in a situation where I can’t offer any place to stay, beings how I’m a ‘guest’ of a friend in his house still.

    I’m pretty sure though if you come through this way, I could get him to let you lay up for a day or two on your way to FLA, if that would be any help. Holler at me via e-mail at bottom of my site if you feel like it.

  14. WARTHOG Says:


    IM sent.




  15. c Says:

    Thank’s everyone. yeah,i’m currently in fl with no clue what’s near by,but I’m at least safe and dry. I’ll be back to posting regularly as soon as I figure out my next move.


  16. caretaker Says:

    Damn,how did I screw up my own name?


  17. Austin Says:

    A man who’d just died is delivered to a local mortuary and he’s wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The mortician asks the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed, pointing out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
    The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the mortician a blank check and says, “I don’t care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.”
    The woman returns the next day and to her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.
    She says to the mortician, “Whatever this cost, I’m very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I’m very grateful. How much did you spend?”
    To her astonishment, the mortician presents her with the blank check, “There’s no charge.”
    “No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit,” she says.
    “Honestly, ma’am it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband’s size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice. So I just switched the heads.”

  18. ak rack Says:

    Austin — even the pros think your mortuary story is funny. It cracked me up, so I sent it to my daughter’s significant other, a mortician. Response I got from him was “Dude — that’s awesome!” I don’t youth-speak so good, but I’m all but certain that means it cracked him up too. Thanks.

  19. Austin Says:

    @ak rack
    Why Thank you. I love to give the gift that keeps on giving…
    A smile, that is!

    Everyone please have a Safe weekend!

  20. WheresMyBoots Says:


    I haven’t been in the saloon for a while, but sorry to hear of your troubles. Also sorry I can’t be much help right now, but in the not too distant future possibly. Hang in there, and be well.
    Oh, and re: the ‘friends’ with malfunctioning phones -I have a shit ton of them. I’ve seen better friendship right here from people I have never spoken to. I agree with you: for the fair-weather, non-phone answering ‘friends’: fuck ’em.

    Respects and Ride Free,


  21. FF Says:


    I’m currently in West Virginia but I’ll be in Spring Hill Florida sometime around April of 2017. Nobody helping you out in NJ was probably a blessing in disguise. Fuck that state.


  22. Austin Says:

    When Bill and Hillary first got married Bill said, “I put a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it.” In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. On the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In it were 3 empty beer cans and $81,874.25 in cash.
    She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why there was such a box and with those contents. That evening, they were out for a special anniversary dinner. After dinner, Hillary could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed, saying, “I’m so sorry, Bill. For all these years, I kept my promise and never looked into the box under our bed. However, today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know, why do you keep the 3 beer cans in the box?”
    Bill thought for a while and said, “I guess after all these years you deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you, I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again.”
    Hillary was shocked, but said, “Hmmm, Jennifer, Paula and Monica. I’m disappointed and saddened by your behavior; however, since you are addicted to sex I guess it does happen and I guess 3 times is not that bad considering your problem.”
    Bill thanked her for being so understanding. They hugged and made their peace. A little while later Hillary asked Bill, “So why do you have all that money in the box?”
    He answered, “Well, whenever the box filled up with empty cans, I took them to the recycling center.”

  23. Austin Says:

    You mean over here where I have my Comedy Club gig?

    I don’t normally cook. Does anybody know how much vodka you add to mashed potatoes?

    P.S. @ Neuro – Thanks Buddy, you drink in here for free.

  24. Paladin Says:

    Subject: The electric fence and the lawnmower

    We have the standard 6 ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city. To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence.

    Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made for 26 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. long ground rod, and drove it 7.5 feet into the ground. The ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground, the better the fence works.

    One day I’m mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6 hp big wheel push mower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way. It seems as though I hadn’t remembered to unplug it after all.

    Now I’m standing there, I’ve got the running lawnmower in my right hand and the 1.7 giga-volt fence wire in the other hand. Keep in mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover.
    Time stood still.

    The first thing I notice is my pecker trying to climb up the front side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my head. I was literally at one with the engine. It seems as though the fence charger and the piece of shit lawnmower were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses.

    Science says you cannot crap, pee, and vomit at the same time. I beg to differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along and you’re all leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just crap your pants 3 times. It seemed like there were minutes in between but in reality it was so close together it was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand.
    At this point I’m about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can’t let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric fences … but Dad always had those piece of shit chargers made by International or whoever that were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled.

    This one I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground rod is now accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river bottom soil. At this point I’m thinking I’m going to have to just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas. Damn!,’ I think, as I remember I just filled the tank!

    Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poop, pee, and with my vomit on my chest I think ‘Oh God please die …. Pleeeeaze die’. But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from its owner’s right foot.

    So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity, standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not take me that day …. he left me there covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created.

    I honestly don’t know how I got loose from the wire ….I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was sunburned. There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot where the wire had laid while I was on the ground still holding on to it. I assume I finally had a seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire.

    Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things:

    1 – Three of my teeth seem to have melted.
    2 – I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right).
    3 – Poop, pee, and vomit when all mixed together, do not smell as bad as you might think.
    4 – My left eye will not open.
    5 – My right eye will not close.
    6 – The lawnmower runs like a sumbitch now. Seriously! I think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better than new after that.
    7 – My nuts are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long.
    8 – I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while thinking of the number 4 (still don’t understand this???).

    That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for things. I appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.

    The good news is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I mow.

    Long May You Ride (to those that deserve to),


  25. ak rack Says:

    Austin & Paladin — Thanks for two really good laughs — can’t decide which story is funnier, and the best part is I’m sure they’re both true . . .

  26. NCRider Says:

    Paladin – Can’t stop smiling! I hope that’s a joke. I enjoyed that alot cause I’ve had horses for many years and know first hand how electric fences can backfire on you.



  27. ak rack Says:

    Paladin — BTW, I don’t think what happened to you is funny; what was funny is the way you told the story. I hope that there was no permanent damage and that you have fully recovered . I too am “familiar” with the new fangled high-energy fence chargers, so even though I’ve never been hooked up like you have, I do have at least an inkling of how uncomfortable that must of been.

    With respect,

    ak rack

  28. NCRider Says:

    Paladin – After reading ak rack’s post, I also did not mean to laugh at what must have been a very bad experience. Please forgive me if I sounded insensitive. I was smiling at the way you told the story.



  29. Paladin Says:

    @ NCRider & ak rack,

    Your concern is much appreciated, but I must confess, I posted this as a joke only. It was not my intention to mislead anyone. Other than being embarrassed, I’m fine.

    Long May You Both Ride,


  30. NCRider Says:

    Paladin – Good. I found it very funny but ak rack had a good point and I thought, “Oh shit. I just screwed up.” Don’t be embarrassed. I figured you must be one tough dude. Lol.



  31. Angry White American Says:

    Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says:
    “Wow, that’s got to be the fastest we’ve ever gotten to an accident site.”

  32. The Kraut Says:

    A scooter tramp gets appendicitis. The day of his operation, the surgeon gets stiff at lunch on martinis in the doctors lounge.

    During the procedure the buzzed chancre mechanic accidentally sliced off the unfortunate bikers left testicle…after freaking out he remembers he has a jar of cocktail onions in the lounge and sends a nurse in to get him one which he puts in place of the missing gonad.

    The biker recovers and has an post-surgery appointment to see if all went well 3 weeks later.

    The nervous doctor asks the sled-pilot if he is experiencing any unusual reactions since the operation…”Well Doc…its like this…” the biker said…” every time I piss my eyes water, when the ol’lady sucks my dick she gets heartburn, but the weirdest shit is whenever I ride past a hamburger joint I get a hard-on”

    Respect to those who warrant respect

    The Kraut

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