This may be the moment you have been waiting for, your big break, your once in a lifetime opportunity, your shot at a piece of the American dream. The Shady Lady Ranch in Petticoat Junction, Nevada is looking for a few desperate men.
Okay, maybe there is a better word than piece. Actually, the ad says “the Shady Lady Ranch is looking for a few good men.”
The Shady Lady is in the business of offering “a safe, clean, and fun experience into the world of legal prostitution, and the experience of a lifetime!” The whorehouse is located a mere 31 miles north of Beatty on Highway 95 surrounded by some interesting debris that has sort of been rusting there for a long time. Cynics see a junkyard but romantics call it a ghost town. And, what could be more romantic than ghost town with a whorehouse?
Want A Date
The Shady Lady, “a gem in the high desert,” has been “voted Best Small Brothel for seven consecutive years” so you know it must be good. The doors open most mornings at 7 am and close at midnight. Mondays the place stays closed until about noon.
If you are riding up from Vegas and you find yourself in the relatively metropolitan ghost town of Goldfield, turn around and go back. You have gone too far. It gets cold in the high desert this time of year. Colder than a whore’s heart. So you might want to stop at Petticoat Junction to warm up.
The normal rates are $200 for forty minutes, $300 for an hour, and $500 for two hours. Couple’s parties start at $700 an hour with a one hour minimum. And, if you fall in love or get real drunk and want to stay all night that will set you back two grand.
But, for the rest of this month, mention the Aging Rebel Internet Special at the door and forty minutes will only cost you a mere $180.
A Brief Digression
How do you make a hormone? You don’t pay her. What’s the difference between a bitch and a whore? A whore fucks everybody and a bitch fucks everybody but you. What do you call a woman who can suck a golf ball through a five foot hose? Sweetheart!
Truck driver stops at a whore house. Tells the madam, “Here is $500. Give me two baloney sandwiches, two cheap beers and the ugliest fat woman in this place.” Madam tells him, “Baby, for $500 you can have any woman you want.” Truck driver explains. “Oh no! That’s okay. I’m just home sick.”
A young man and his boss go to an old barber shop for a shave. The barbers finish, reach for some after shave lotion and the young man says, “Don’t put that on me! My wife will think I went to a whorehouse!” The other barber looks at the boss. Boss nods and says, “Go ahead. Slap some on me. My wife has never been in a whorehouse.”
More News You Can Use
Yesterday Bobbi Davis, who owns the Shady Lady, received official approval from the Nye County Board to start hiring the first legal, male sex workers in Nevada. “I personally feel, as do the many other women who have made contact with me since I started this, that this is a service whose time has come,” she told Board members.
The Nevada Brothel Association has been fighting the legalization of male prostitution for months. “This is the first time in the history of the world . . . that men have been licensed to sell sex,” George Flint, a spokesman for the Brothel Association complained Tuesday. “It’s never been done!” The Brothel Association is a generally conservative organization that fears that at least some of the male prostitutes may end up engaging in homosexuality. Flint worries that homosexual prostitutes will just ruin the whorehouse business for everybody.
Send Resume Here
The Shady Lady is looking for men who: Are “between 21-years-old and forty; have a good work ethic; must be service oriented; have a willingness to please; and have a positive attitude.”
If that sounds like you and you think you would enjoy living in Petticoat Junction, Nevada you should send photographs of your head and your scantily clad body, no nudes please, along with a short biography and an essay describing why you want to become a male prostitute to: [email protected] and the whorehouse will get back to you.
If you are a real go getter, you can also call the whorehouse at either 775-553-9100 or 866-301-5855 and tell them personally of your interest in this new American career opportunity.
God bless the American economy. And, good luck.