And, now on the lighter side of the news. Way lighter.
Despite all my most sincere efforts, Sons of Anarchy has still not been cancelled. In fact, it is starting to look like it never will be.
Some guy in West Hollywood who is not Brad Pitt told me that Kurt Sutter’s homage to us is the “top-rated scripted cable series in the key 18 to 49-year-old demographic” and that it is getting better ratings than Jay Leno’s show. I don’t watch Leno either so I don’t know if that is good or not.
Tonight is the ninth episode of the year for the most astounding biker show ever. And the episode is titled “Fa Guan” which means “judge” in Mandarin. Why this episode is titled with the Mandarin word for judge probably epitomizes everything I do not get about this fine example of television mass marketing. I am not sure that you are even supposed to watch this show if you happen to know the Mandarin words for judge.
For the record, I can say, “Not guilty, your honor” in many tongues.
Wait For It
I have read that tonight the club’s investment in a porn studio goes broke so somebody named “Clay pushes for a greater emphasis on gun running. Meanwhile, the Clay-Jax schism grows even wider.” No. I don’t know what they are talking about. Not a clue.
As I remember it, this California club is buying guns from the IRA. They are not selling guns to a club in Massachusetts or Maine which then sells the guns to the IRA. No. No. The Irish lads are selling guns to America. Ooh, my head hurts. Oh no! Oh no!
Sometimes I have psychic episodes, you know? Doesn’t everybody? When I thought too long about importing guns from Ireland to America I got a glimpse of my own funeral! And some jackass is playing the theme song from Sons of Anarchy on a boom box! And…I…am…dead…and…I…can’t…get…up! Make it stop! Make it stop!
Where was I? I wonder if this episode will feature a gun show in Arizona? What do you think? Ooh, my head! Make it stop!
Where was I? Oh yeah. I mention this now only because I know some of you really love this piece o’ crap and I am trying to be nice to you. One friend of this page, I happen to know, particularly loves to look at Charlie Hunnum naked.
Oh Charlie He’s So Fine
Pretty Bitch, set your DVR. Tonight Hunnum takes another shower. I do not know if he takes the shower with a Chinese judge or as a part of a porno movie or at a gun show or what. Okay? You tell me when you get the chance.
But tonight Charlie takes his clothes off. Again. So head’s up.
Oh, my head! Make it stop!