Brad Pitt Falls Down

October 26, 2009

All Posts, News

The essential Los Angeles motorcycling skill is splitting lanes. It is pretty simple at low speeds but before you come out here and try it for yourself there are a couple of things you need to know.

First, this city’s great, cultural gift to the world is the right turn on red so you want to try to avoid splitting on the far right. Second, some of the cops out here will ticket you for illegal lane change if your foot or your peg ever crosses the line between lanes when you stop. So if you smell a cop put your right foot down when you stop instead of your left. And, needless to say, whatever you do don’t hit anybody. If you hit anything or anybody while splitting lanes you will be cited.

Probably. Unless you are somebody important. Like Brad Pitt.

I have been leaving messages with Brad Pitt’s press agent for the last 24 hours. I honestly believe Brad could benefit from going out and playing motorcycles with me for about a day. I believe I could make Brad a better, more confidant motorcycle rider. As far as I am concerned, for a thousand bucks, as long as he signs that full waiver, we can go split lanes on the Long Beach Freeway. Ain’t no thing.

But, so far, Pitt’s publicist keeps acting like he can’t hear me.

It is a pity, too. Because Brad could use me. Or if not me, anyone of you. Go for it. I am giving up. As far as I am concerned, there is plenty of wannabe macho movie star business for everybody.

Motorcycle And Monkeys

Brad Pitt loves motorcycles. Brad Pitt collects motorcycles like Michael Jackson used to collect monkeys. And, frankly, I think if he had not chosen to waste his life as a millionaire movie star old Brad could have been a biker. Maybe.

For example, he has blindly irrational enemies. “I’m one of those people you hate because of genetics. It is the truth,” Pitt once told a reporter.

For another example, he has a weakness for really crazy women. And, just judging from that last quote, he obviously never gives a damn how stupid he sounds. And a couple of months ago he even got drunk and called up his ex-wife and called her “Baby.”

“Oh baby. Baby. Jen, baby. You know Angie just doesn’t get me. Baby, baby, maybe, you ever think maybe we should get back together for just one more night? You know, just to make sure we didn’t make a mistake?” Like that’s never been you.

And, Pitt likes to ride his motorcycles. He likes to ride around and around the block in Beverly Hills. Don’t laugh. Isn’t that how many of us learned to ride? Well, probably not in Beverly Hills but….

Only the absolute stupidest and luckiest of us can remember the conversation that went, “Okay. Okay. Got you. Right. Which one did you say was the brake? Oh yeah? Well, which one is the clutch? Really? Are you sure? Well, okay then! I’m gone go give that freeway a try!”

And Assholes

When Brad Pitt needs to unwind, he goes for a ride. “This is my anonymity,” Pitt told W Magazine this summer about his large, gold motorcycle helmet. “With it, I’m just another asshole on the streets.”

Pitt, in short, is pretty much just like us except his old lady is Angelina Jolie, his ex is Jennifer Anniston, he is not juggling bills or ducking process servers, he has about two or three million dollars worth of motorcycles to choose from and the rest of us assholes out on the Los Angeles streets know how to ride.

Yesterday morning Pitt was riding his six figure, chopped, rigid, Confederate Motorcycle around and around in West Hollywood and Beverly Hills. He decided to split lanes on the right, between traffic and a line of parked cars. He clipped the mirror of one of the parked cars with his handlebars, lost control of his bike and fell flat on his left side.

Help Me I Have Fallen

A good Samaritan rescued him, helped him get his bike up and helped him roll it out of the street. Pitt then ran into a nearby apartment building and reemerged when a car came to pick him up. He left the bike sitting there and disappeared into the hot, October smog. He was not cited by local police.

Just like us, right?

And, no. Don’t even bother. The bike is not still there.

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20 Responses to “Brad Pitt Falls Down”

  1. sled tramp Says:

    I’ll watch for the sled with a claymore strapped to the forks with “Front towards Yuppies” on it.You’ll blend…:-)
    BTW, I have a dog named “Reb”. He and I have long discussions as we contemplate the world…
    On the path of most resistance,
    Sled Tramp

  2. Rebel Says:

    Dear Sled Tramp,

    This is the kind of individual I have to deal with every time I ride around West El Lay. Between this and the fucking red light cameras in Beverly Hills I am gonna go postal someday. I swear, as the Lord is my witness, a thousand yuppies will die.

    Feel my pain,

  3. sled tramp Says:

    And now this:,,20317503,00.html

    Man…wouldn’t it be nice if once we all got an eeensy tiny scratch on our 100k bike we all rushed off to Japan where “REAL builders are” and got a new one? I feel yer pain Bwad….

  4. DEX Says:

    Hey Reb thought you might like this,,20317503,00.html


  5. MotleySTL Says:

    The man seems to live life the way he wants and doesn’t seem to care about status, we can all salute that can’t we?. He’s not sitting down with Fidel or screaming politics. Ya’ll say what you will but looks like he has a larger set than most hollywood movie stars. I’d go into a building to keep some creep from making money by taking pictures of unfortunate circumstance, dropped mine more than once in the past. I’d like to have a lot of motorcycle stuff and consider anyone that does lucky. Spent a couple weeks in Venice Beach last month, watching riders between lanes double the pucker factor. Glad it’s not legal here. Anyway, like a well respected, retired patch holder once told me “you have to start somewhere’.

  6. Gringo1%er Says:

    man yall know Brad subscribs to the Rebel cause if you aint here , you aint fuckin nowhere!

    Brad arraingments can be made , lessons can be had dude.
    all it takes is some tits and beer and maybe a tasty sammach man!
    have your people call our people!

  7. fayettenam, hoe Says:

    i was a junkie, at fifteen, we made all kinds, pretty did not last to long, those rusty needles got passed around, problem children , i was, one before i met them, an old ten more later’, get thirsty, polish the rust

  8. sled tramp Says:

    Yeah…given Bradd Pitt’s conquests in the sack the “Golden Helmet award seems fitting…..oh, waidaminit…you mean safety gear huh…..uh,never mind…

  9. troyez Says:

    Ha ha ha! Bear, you’re one funny feller! The Brad Pitt Memorial “Golden Helmet” award, that’s priceless!

    Also, I’ve thought the same things about Rebel; who the hell is this guy?! He’s probably a cop! Ha ha ha! Or worse, a lawyer! Oh crap, my side’s splittin’!
    Sorry to rip on you Rebel, but Bear started it (i.e. rakishly handsome)!

  10. Snow Says:

    The guy lives a charmed life for sure, I would have kept Jennifer, Jolie, her collagen lips and habit of adopting half of Africa while kids in this country need a home do nothing for me. Somebody needs to teach that boy how to ride, gotta get away from all that crap, maybe Leno or Fonda, hell he can afford Willie G.? but then who gives a fuck what I think.

  11. fayettenam, hoe Says:

    dam, i wish my pussey smelled so fresh, i guess i don’t duesh enough, fuck Bradd”s spit,

  12. fayettenam, hoe Says:

    poe Brad, maybe he should pay some one to ride to ride those bikes and fuck his pussey, and the torture never stops,

  13. fayettenam, hoe Says:

    white line fever, pass those cars, another one is in your lane. they slow me down, they speed me up, another will take my place, my slow motion will get me there, the faster that i try, to try is the slowest i become, slow motion in the left turn line, i see the evil that good men try to do, when all the world is stacked up against you, just piss on me, and i will piss on me again

  14. Bear Says:

    I’d love to rip the dude, but I don’t know him so cuttin’ on him would be purly out of jealousy. I did the split lane thing when I lived in CA and got a little closer than planned to another object once or twice (I never actually hit anything though). I’d also like to say I’ve never been down, but that would be a lie. In 26 years of riding it’s happened (luckily not as much as Sled Tramp). I was sitting at a red light once trying to look my coolest when a bee landed on my left hand; I picked my hand up to shoo it off and then remembered that I’d been doing something with that hand… holding the clucth… opps! The bike lunged a few feet, decided it didn’t want to go any further and promptly laid down for a nap. If there’d been an apartment building to duck in to I’d have beat feet. I felt stupid and I didn’t have to worry about having 50 paparazzi decending on me like flies on road kill. If I had the bread that dude has and my kids were feed and the bills paid I’d have one of every motorcycle made; fat ones, thin ones, fast ones, and probably a few ridiculously over priced ones. Rebel, dude I love this site, but this is the kind of thing I’d expect to see on E! In reality I don’t know Brad Pitt any more than I know you. You’ve discribed yourself (clean cut), I don’t write you off because you don’t look like me. You live on the beach in LA so I gotta figure that you and I don’t share the same tax bracket. Hell you’ve probably got a more expensive bike than me. These things all make you and I superficially different, but because I’ve had a chance to “sit down” with you and read you’re thoughts; I believe we share many of the same ideas, feelings and beliefs. I think I’d really enjoy sitting down to a few cold ones with you some day and getting to know you for real; I’d buy (as long as PBR is good enough). What I’m saying is that maybe Brad is just like us. Maybe he feels the call of the wind, the pull of the endless ribbon of black top? The ANONYMITY!!!
    Ahhh… fuck him! [email protected]#$% pussy RUB! Use some of that money to pay for a fucking lesson or two! Sorry about that Rebel; I wanted to know what it felt like to be “just another asshole” for a minute! Hey, I have an idea (stay with me; it doesn’t happen all that often)… you could start the Brad Pitt Memorial “Golden Helmet” award presented to those who make an ass of themselves trying to be someone thier not (as related to our world). I’m sure you could find a few nominees. I hope you don’t take any of that stuff above seriously; even though you’re obviously rakishly handsome, wealthy beyond my comprehension and have a sunset view I can only dream… I still think you’re a pretty cool cat. :)

  15. fayettenam, hoe Says:

    money won’t pave the road you travel

  16. sportbob Says:

    im supprised there isnt a body count everyday on th west side of la. i see people riding between parked cars and the first lane not even looking wre they are going.

  17. Cyclemichael 1%er Says:


  18. sled tramp Says:

    Jolie,Anniston,Gwyneth Paltrow,choppers….Mr. Pitt gets to ride a LOT of nice things….

  19. troyez Says:

    Six figures for a bike?!
    I bet mine is dirtier, and cheaper, but I like it more, ’cause I built it myself!

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