How Long

April 7, 2020

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How Long

The riding season is here for most of the country and it isn’t uncommon for local policemen to stop riders for the sole purpose of telling them to go home. This riding season may or may not put a smile on your face.

But whether the bike basically stays in the garage or not, even if worst comes to worst, there will be a riding season next year or the year after that. It might look like Mad Max. Outlaws may invade small towns and some guy in a hockey mask at the head of the pack may demand through a bullhorn, “Give us your toilet paper and we will go away. We only want toilet paper. Not your women. Resistance is futile.” No matter what, there will still be bikes and bike riders.

Yay

“The Biker Lifestyle,” on the other hand, might be on a ventilator already. Everybody is going broke. Millions don’t know how they will keep a roof over their heads and food on the table. For the last 35 years or so, the “lifestyle” has been about selling people symbols they don’t really need. The “lifestyle” has always been about prosperous men saying “Yeah, I’m a badass outlaw. Got a tattoo and shit. Respect my bitch Poppy. These are my sons Fielding and Merritt. Don’t look them in the eyes. I raised them to be badasses, too. Fielding! Fetch me my genuine Harley-Davidson work gloves!”

The Harley-Davidson Motor Company found the limits of biker affinity marketing the hard way starting in about 2008 People do not actually need a $35,000, teal, custom motorcycle with a 131 cubic inch engine – cool as it might be to park one of those things outside a bar. I can’t say how it would run.

Integral to the biker lifestyle has been the big bike fest which culminates every year in the greater Rapid City, Belle Fourche, Sundance, Buffalo Gap metropolitan area. That rally is called the Black Hills Rally and it is a wonderful place to buy five tee shirts on sale, a collapsible baton or a carton of Camels. You can also buy a pair of $800 boots, photograph a woman wearing blue paint instead of a bra and meet a real policeman.

Show Goes On

It might be time to consider what the summer may bring.

The Lauhhlin River Run, which attracts up to 70,000 riders, had been scheduled to unfold in all its majesty from April 23 to April 25. With a month to go, on March 25 the promotor announced, “Due to the COVID-19 pandemic the 2020 Laughlin River Run has been canceled. Please check back for 2021 Laughlin River Run dates & information”

Two days later the “Progressive Laconia Motorcycle Week” released an announcement that explained: “The Board of Directors of the Laconia Motorcycle Week Association held a teleconference meeting on March 26th and determined a decision would be made no later than April 30th on whether or not the Rally would be postponed from June 13th-21st, 2020 to August 22nd – 30th, 2020. At this time, they are optimistic the rally will still be held in June.

“This could be a huge boost for morale of not just motorcycle enthusiasts but everyone in the region,” says Charlie St. Clair, Executive Director for the Laconia Motorcycle Week Association. “This event brings millions of dollars to the state and is critically important to NH businesses and our tourism economy. Not only that, we have all been cooped up inside for well over a month – What better way to tell the world we’re returning to normal when we hear the familiar June roar of motorcycles returning to Weirs Beach?”

.The Republic of Texas Rally which had been scheduled for March in Austin, has now been scheduled to compete with Laconia from June 11 to June 14.

The Hollister Independence Motorcycle Rally, which commemorates the Holister Biker Riot which inspired the motion picture The Wild One which inspired the smash television hit Sons of Anarchy which inspired the smash television reality series The Devils Ride which has provided the basis for most biker expert witness testimony for the last decade is still on. The Hollister Chamber of Commerce sincerely believes that the Covid-19 plague will be but an unpleasant memory by July 3 and that everybody will be able and inclined to spend like drunken sailors until July 5.

Surely, our many state, local and national leaders will have resolved this plague by August 7, 121 days from now, when an estimated 400,000 motorcycle enthusiasts in the greater Sturgis area can finally finish with social distancing.

Maybe everybody can gather at the Buffalo Chip to burn big, wooden replicas of the novel CoronaVirus.

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20 Responses to “How Long”

  1. Fingal Says:

    I got my purple wings with a pine needle cluster and a ’20’ on a square on the center.’ My brothers didn’t give me the green wings. After dinner my president had me open my mouth. Gunther said ‘Lift your tongue maggot.’ I thought I would earn my green wings when he saw the cooties and maggots crawling over my tongue. When I did Eric said ‘What are those 2 thin white things wriggling around there?’ My president said ‘There’s only one hole in a donut you don’t get it.’

    The ’20’ represents that I earned them in 2020 the year of Corona Virus. The square represents a pine coffin. The pine needle cluster ties it all together.

    I don’t know what happened to ‘Gloria.’ Maybe the club ‘property’ or brothers’ ol’ ladies cleaned up. The last thing I remember was my president saying ‘Let’s finish those kegs you brought; you’re no Hunter S. Thompson.

    Yes, I donate.

  2. JB Says:

    It would seem to me we have an issue with
    some of our govornors, it would appear not only have they
    Forgotten their oathes of office (pt1) but it also
    Appears theyve never read or glanced at the 1st amendment of the
    constitution (pt2).

    Part 1
    “I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States and the Constitution of the State of (XXXX), and that I will faithfully discharge my duties as Governor to the best of my ability.”

    Part 2
    Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

  3. Jb Says:

    It would seem to me we have an issue with
    some of our govornors, it would appear not only have they
    Forgotten their oathes of office (pt1) but it also
    Appears theyve never read or glanced at the 1st amendment of the
    constitution (pt2).

    Part 1
    “I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States and the Constitution of the State of Alaska, and that I will faithfully discharge my duties as Governor to the best of my ability.”

    Part 2
    Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

  4. Erudite Hillbilly Says:

    So far our state hasn’t tried any of that lockdown bovine splatter and I often hear bikes down the roads below when the weather is good (though the Feds have shut down some great destinations that are part of the National Park system.) I’ve taken both bikes out already myself but I reckon once I put the new 50/50 tires on my ADV bike I’ll be riding that more than the geezer glide this year. If you think the Natural State has some great paved roads, you gotta see the gravel ones. So glad I got the hell out of the People’s Republic of California though I do feel for those stuck in occupied territory. As for any organized runs, I did enough of those as a club member that I now just happily do my own thing with the wife.

  5. Fingal Says:

    Wish me luck. I go for my purple wings and green wings tonight. I met her in the local ER.

    https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/danvergano/coronavirus-spread-dead-body-coroner

    https://youtu.be/XZnmeJNWs0s

  6. freebird Says:

    @ Thunderbird

    I will take dodging cow pies over pot holes any day

    Shiny side up….

  7. Thunderbird Says:

    @Freebird

    I’ve been on the road too. Isn’t it great? Texas highways are great to ride on. The bluebells are awesome.

  8. Freebird Says:

    @ thunderbird

    Let’s say your right

    Didn’t change today for me

    Had my boots on the pegs and saw some great single lane roads

    Don’t piss with the peter you want

    Use the one you got

  9. Thunderbird Says:

    I don’t know anyone who has died from the virus. I don’t know anyone who knows anyone who died from the virus. The presidential seal is missing at the white house. The country went into a financial crash before the virus became the focus of the news and the lockdown started. People are being kept apart so they cannot talk to each other and form a consensus of what is going on. All non essential business is shut down. No opposing views are presented in the media questioning the actions of the authorities.

    Something else is going on and it is not related to the virus.

  10. Mac Says:

    if you get pulled over; tell them the reason you’re crossing state lines is you’re trying to find toilet paper.

  11. RT Says:

    Got pulled over the other day by the local sheriff he asked me what I was doing out riding and if it was essential. I informed him that I was a member of COTAH (Church Of The Allmighty Highway) and I was out practicing my Religious freedoms guaranteed to me by the Constitution. I couldn’t believe it but he laughed at me, made a stupid chuckle and I thought to myself game on. I informed him that the Church was a Corporation and a registered Non- Profit so if he wanted to write me a citation and violate my civil rights go ahead and I’ll see ya in court. Needless to say he kinda shut the Fuck Up after that went his merry way and I went mine. The rest of the ride was especially enjoyable so remember it’s always good to know your Rights.

  12. oldskewl Says:

    I’ll be in Hollister along with many other events this year. The Covid-19 numbers are way down, the whole thing was blown out of proportion and now (hopefully) the economy is going to open back up.

    I’m not going to change my plans even if it means I sit alone along the oceanfront drinking beers with some brothers.

    All the best to you and yours.

    OS

  13. Glenn Says:

    They finally locked down South Carolina, sort of. Outdoor recreation is still allowed. My job is deemed essential. And we can go out and buy “essential supplies”, including the elusive toilet paper which I could go out and look for for days. But the bars and restaurants must remain closed. There can’t be any gatherings of more than three people. And no fires. No campfires, bonfires, industrial fires, no fires of any kind. The forestry commission came up with that rule because they said coronavirus patients might get close to fires and it would aggravate their condition. And because people without coronavirus might get an irritated respiratory system by breathing in the smoke and have to seek medical attention, thereby depriving coronavirus patients of the medical resources expended on campfire related illnesses. They really said that.

    But none of this applies to churches. Because, said Governor Henry McMaster with a straight face, he will not violate the first amendment by ordering churches to close. No shit.

  14. Robert Dawson Says:

    Im one of lucky ones to still be working and I still ride my bike 25 miles to work everyday.Very few bikes out there though.All the Harley shops are closed so salt for their festering wounds

  15. ed Says:

    Our 400 Trillion dollar economy has been basically decimated. Small business that existed from week to week are goners. If ya’ll think we are just going to recover from this and go back to normal; Just look at all the sheep waiting for the government to help them. We’re fucked.

  16. commonsense Says:

    Ride your bike wherever you want. If you get pulled over ..cough and say your going to the pharmacy to get cough syrup and aspirin and your good to go.

  17. jrino Says:

    I don’t care I already got the shit and got over it, I ride now and will go to my friends house in Sturgis for the fun even if it’s cxled. I’m not worried about the “rules”, I get a ticket in Wyoming almost every year anyway.

  18. Freebird Says:

    What better time to get back to basics

    Brothers helping Brothers

    Real simple

  19. Neuro Says:

    Your police chief acts like a total asshole and looks even worse. Dude totally looks like a mannequin, way worse than Queerboy Newsome. He looks more artificial than the terminator in Term II who was in cop uniform. Truth is way stranger than fiction. Be safe, good luck.

  20. stroker Says:

    The question has been raised here locally in the Santa Cruz California area: can we take a ride on our motorcycle for the sake of the ride.
    I’ve checked the County of Santa Cruz website, and found the following guidelines, under frequently asked questions:
    “It is a legally enforceable order requiring residents to stay home except for essential needs.”
    “Everyone should stay home, especially vulnerable populations, unless you are leaving home to get food, care for others, access necessary health care, or go to an essential job (more on that later). It is OK to go outside to walk, run, bike and hike if you are not in a group and following social distancing guidelines (stay 6 feet or more away from others).”
    I emailed the Sheriff’s office and asked if “going for a motorcycle ride was ok” and haven’t received a response.
    Now, to me, there is no difference in riding a bicycle, or riding a motorcycle. It remains to be seen if the cops think differently. But the above guidelines CLEARLY state: ….”It is OK to go outside to walk, run, BIKE and hike if you are not in a group, and following social distancing guidelines….”
    Guess I’ll find out ….!

    (Click the Links for Rebel)

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