Expect to see more than 1,600 undercover cops in the Tonto Basin this weekend.
That will be the location of the Seventh Annual Screw Laughlin Run jointly sponsored by the Modified Motorcycle Association, The Limey Riders Motorcycle Club, the Desert Thunder Motorcycle Club and the Happy Happy Sober Riders Motorcycle Club. The Happy Happy Sober Riders was previously known simply as the Sober Riders. But, from now on it will always be referred to on this page as the “Happy Happy Sober Riders.”
Why Happy Happy
“Really, it was a no brainer,” explained Rebel, Editor in Chief, Publisher, reporter, cartoonist, photographer and rewrite man for The Aging Rebel.
“For the past two months I have been hearing these esteemed motorcyclists moan and complain, day after day, about the unfair coverage their fine club has gotten here. They ask, ‘Why do you have to say double murder in Phoenix on February 17th? Why not just say a couple of guys from someplace lost an argument somewhere to somebody, sometime, maybe. If you can prove that. If you were there.’ And, I think the Happy Happy Sober Riders are right about all this. I want to be more positive and not so negative when they make news. So from now on I will always refer to them as the Happy Happy Sober Riders Motorcycle Club.”
Happy Happy Heat
According to a highly placed source, who agreed to speak (in a bar in Brea) only if her confidentiality was assured, law enforcement resources are being pulled away from the Laughlin River Run to secure and infiltrate Screw Laughlin. Agents and officers representing the Phoenix Police; Tucson Police; San Carlos and Fort Apache Tribal Police; Arizona Department of Public Safety Violent Criminal Apprehension Team; Arizona Highway Patrol; Midwest Gang Investigators; Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives; Federal Bureau of Investigation; Drug Enforcement Administration; Immigration and Customs Enforcement; and the Central Intelligence Agency are expected to boost attendance.
The police deployment in force has been code named Operation Smelly Rat Manners Camp.
Infiltrators have been encouraged not to shave for a week and to leave their Dockers and neckties at home. They have been instructed to come dressed in “dungarees,” black leather vests, and either flannel shirts or black tee shirts so they will be better able to “blend in.”
Besides taking lots and lots of pictures with their tiny spy cameras, the cops will be checking VIN numbers and license numbers and looking for possible violations of state and federal law. Cops have also been told to initiate conversations with other participants. So if you are there and you hear something like:
When Happy Happy Cops Meet
“Hey, bro. I like your cube.”
“Thanks bro. Got any guns I can buy for fifty bucks?”
“No, bro. But, do you have any meth I can get? I ate all mine last night.”
That would probably be two cops from two different departments trying to entrap one another.
Also if you happen to see somebody ride in very, very slowly then dismount and walk away from his motorcycle without putting down his side stand, you might want to avoid conversation with that individual as well.
As for the Happy Happy Sober Riders, they are expected to bring a double dose of the joy and good cheer for which they are now nationally renowned. All of that Happy Happiness combined with the attendance of so many first timers is sure to turn this year’s Screw Laughlin into a veritable Happy Happy North Korea. The exact locations of the road blocks are yet to be determined as is the exact number of Predator Unmanned Aircraft Systems that will deployed overhead.
Happy Happy Directions
If you have never had the chance to meet a real undercover cop before, Screw Laughlin is being held a short putt from Jake’s Corner which is south of Payson and north of Roosevelt. Undercover cops travelling south from Holbrook have been told to take Route 277 to Route 260 West. Flagstaff area undercover operatives will be taking Route 17 south to Route 260 East. Jake’s Corner is on Route 188, just off Route 87 which runs from Mesa to Winslow.
The Happy Happy festivities kick off Friday afternoon.
And, if you happen to meet a Happy Happy Sober Rider while you are there be sure to give him a big smile, even if you don’t feel like it, and very respectfully reassure him that just as long as he is “Happy Happy,” you are “Happy Happy” too.