Happy, Happy Sober Riders Run

April 19, 2009

All Posts, News

Expect to see more than 1,600 undercover cops in the Tonto Basin this weekend.

That will be the location of the Seventh Annual Screw Laughlin Run jointly sponsored by the Modified Motorcycle Association, The Limey Riders Motorcycle Club, the Desert Thunder Motorcycle Club and the Happy Happy Sober Riders Motorcycle Club. The Happy Happy Sober Riders was previously known simply as the Sober Riders. But, from now on it will always be referred to on this page as the “Happy Happy Sober Riders.”

Why Happy Happy

“Really, it was a no brainer,” explained Rebel, Editor in Chief, Publisher, reporter, cartoonist, photographer and rewrite man for The Aging Rebel.

“For the past two months I have been hearing these esteemed motorcyclists moan and complain, day after day, about the unfair coverage their fine club has gotten here. They ask, ‘Why do you have to say double murder in Phoenix on February 17th? Why not just say a couple of guys from someplace lost an argument somewhere to somebody, sometime, maybe. If you can prove that. If you were there.’ And, I think the Happy Happy Sober Riders are right about all this. I want to be more positive and not so negative when they make news. So from now on I will always refer to them as the Happy Happy Sober Riders Motorcycle Club.”

Happy Happy Heat

According to a highly placed source, who agreed to speak (in a bar in Brea) only if her confidentiality was assured, law enforcement resources are being pulled away from the Laughlin River Run to secure and infiltrate Screw Laughlin. Agents and officers representing the Phoenix Police; Tucson Police; San Carlos and Fort Apache Tribal Police; Arizona Department of Public Safety Violent Criminal Apprehension Team; Arizona Highway Patrol; Midwest Gang Investigators; Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives; Federal Bureau of Investigation; Drug Enforcement Administration; Immigration and Customs Enforcement; and the Central Intelligence Agency are expected to boost attendance.

The police deployment in force has been code named Operation Smelly Rat Manners Camp.

Infiltrators have been encouraged not to shave for a week and to leave their Dockers and neckties at home. They have been instructed to come dressed in “dungarees,” black leather vests, and either flannel shirts or black tee shirts so they will be better able to “blend in.”

Besides taking lots and lots of pictures with their tiny spy cameras, the cops will be checking VIN numbers and license numbers and looking for possible violations of state and federal law. Cops have also been told to initiate conversations with other participants. So if you are there and you hear something like:

When Happy Happy Cops Meet

“Hey, bro. I like your cube.”

“Thanks bro. Got any guns I can buy for fifty bucks?”

“No, bro. But, do you have any meth I can get? I ate all mine last night.”

That would probably be two cops from two different departments trying to entrap one another.

Also if you happen to see somebody ride in very, very slowly then dismount and walk away from his motorcycle without putting down his side stand, you might want to avoid conversation with that individual as well.

As for the Happy Happy Sober Riders, they are expected to bring a double dose of the joy and good cheer for which they are now nationally renowned. All of that Happy Happiness combined with the attendance of so many first timers is sure to turn this year’s Screw Laughlin into a veritable Happy Happy North Korea. The exact locations of the road blocks are yet to be determined as is the exact number of Predator Unmanned Aircraft Systems that will deployed overhead.

Happy Happy Directions

If you have never had the chance to meet a real undercover cop before, Screw Laughlin is being held a short putt from Jake’s Corner which is south of Payson and north of Roosevelt. Undercover cops travelling south from Holbrook have been told to take Route 277 to Route 260 West. Flagstaff area undercover operatives will be taking Route 17 south to Route 260 East. Jake’s Corner is on Route 188, just off Route 87 which runs from Mesa to Winslow.

The Happy Happy festivities kick off Friday afternoon.

And, if you happen to meet a Happy Happy Sober Rider while you are there be sure to give him a big smile, even if you don’t feel like it, and very respectfully reassure him that just as long as he is “Happy Happy,” you are “Happy Happy” too.

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12 Responses to “Happy, Happy Sober Riders Run”

  1. Astounded! Says:

    Rebel you are an ass of the biggest kind. I think a coward too.

  2. Bubbles Says:

    hats off man, that was one great piece of literary skills there buddy! how did you come up with the HHSRMC idea anyways? is it some secret acronym for something completely different? or possibly a secret code for just how many times per minute the wings of an african swallow beat? hope everyone is current on thier rabies shots, because it will be very enteresting to see how this weekend does turn out too! you cant miss me, i will be with the guy on a moped, swerving around the bunny rabbits with the green mowhawks that jump sideways, dressed like a cub scout, with a tarantula for a pet, handing out free soapy water, so everyone that wants to can wash thier smelly asses, or BLOW BUBBLES!

  3. SinCity Says:

    You DA Bomb Baby. Love to peruse your column and do so every single day.
    To check up on my friends Brad and John-The progress in their murders that is.
    This is all very entertaining.
    To thank “God” that I live and work the 12×12 every single day of my life and how very lucky and extremely blessed I am to have the 12×12 in my life every day.
    To realize how grateful I am not to be ignorant and rationalize and justify the wrong doing of others. MURDER IS MURDER! Nuff said!!

    I’d like to also add, that in life you have a**holes in all shapes and sizes. Some bigger then others.
    Not all Bikers are loser, scum (I am a female biker and far from it).
    Not all police are arrogant, power hungry jerks, (except in Miami, FL-ha ha).
    And most people are fundamentally, decent, hardworking folk.
    Let’s not jump on any “one” bandwagon and judge. Judgement is held in a higher plane then the one we now exist on.
    Let’s hope justice is served, karma does it’s job and wrong doers pay their penance.
    Blessings to all.
    Ride free, ride safe.



  4. Possum Says:

    well, if the Mideval Monstrous Ass Ugly Maidens can wear a three piece patch and the SRMC can’t, I understand their frustrations.

  5. Bubbles Says:

    lets start a new columb here, and call it tech tips by bubbles , ok? the first installment will be about base gaskets, and how important it is to warm that V-twin properly to ensure ya dont take out those pesky base gaskets.. when HD oil is cold, it has the texture of lets say honey, very thick, and gooey. a cold motor has to get that oil flowing to all parts of yur motor, to protect those shiney polished parts. if you are too quick to twist the wick, there are metal to metal times, where shit can break, and too much crank case pressure, can force a breach in the gaskets just below the cylinders, after this has happened, you can get down there real close, and see how crack kills, and it BLOWS BUBBLES!

  6. SinCity Says:

    I guess I can overreact to things sometimes. I am a 12 stepper after all. We all know how we “use to handle things that use to baffle us” sometimes, for a split sec, my emotions and temper get the best of me. Again, I am so LUCKY to have the 12×2 in my day to day living and get that daily reprieve we all read about. I also enjoy living free and believe in “freedom of speech”, I just don’t have to agree with it all the time. That is why I live in the USA. And proud of it!
    I would hate to live in fear at AA meeting places that have always been considered safe havens in the stormy waters of life. Good, bad or otherwise, I have always felt safe and sound around the tables.
    Let’s all hope and pray that no innocents are hurt or killed from any of the fallout from this mess, that the truth prevails and the wrong doers are brought to justice.

    Now…to comment on the last post you did…….

    OK, SO MY RIDE…..has a choke that I have to use every single time I get on to ride, no fast and furious take offs for me. I have to let GRLKAT choke after a meeting sometimes when its been sitting for a couple of hours. My BF just got a nice Electra Glide with fuel injection. I am jealous and will now go blow some bubbles to make me feel better.
    I do love bubbles, and use them to tease my cats and play with my kids. A good time is usually had by all.

    Ride Free, Ride Safe.

    Blessings to all.


  7. Curious Says:

    I believe the ass would be the anonymous source that apparently doesnt give one fck about anyone’s safety,, or doesnt know how to keep thier mouth shut,,, OR maybe it’s the one giving that source all the info that they have no business knowing,,, either way,, you cant blame a reporter for reporting.
    OR, well , I guess you could, but it wont do much good now ,, will it.?
    I think if I were PD i’d be doing some serious ass checking…

  8. Bubbles Says:

    safety? who wants safety? im so sick of the “man” imposing more and more laws, and regulations, on just how happy im supposed to be in this life! as if i cant make an educated decision, due to the media hype, and jew control.speaking of ass checking,I knew a man who had done many years in prison, for questionable surcumbstances, he told me about another guy, a “lifer”, who would do stupid shit, to make the “man” think he was the yard dealer, so they would haul his ass into lockdown, and shit watch, when nothing came, they would take himn to medical and do the “body cavity search”…since he was openly heterosexual, and also hates gays, this seemed more than a bit strange! so when asked what the Hell?, his responce was,”I have this medical condition, where, i cant cum unless i have my prostrate manually stimulated, and everyone knows what hogs the female cops are, and what it looks like when you put lipstick on a pig, so my choices were narrowed down to whatever my sick and twisted mind can come up with. all i have is time”.human condition dictates evolution, and adaptation to environment, so:
    ok, lets say a guy works at a automotive repair shop, and has learned that 20% of women wearing skirts , go commando (no panties)so being all man, he comes up with a plan to check.get ion the car and try to start it, or plz get out of the car to see this, are simple ploys to get the thighs open, and we all know what a queef is, so he can look close enough to see if the vagina will ….BLOW BUBBLES

  9. Curious Says:


  10. Lodur Says:

    We missed the 1600 undercover guys, but we found a couple of re-po guys they left under heavy escort

  11. Mad as Hell Says:

    Do us all a favor and have bubbles blow it some where else. Block this annoying TURD!
    As far as the source? This is not rocket science. As long as there have been bikers, there have been cops trying to work their way in. This is not a new concept. Hasn’t worked in the past and if they think it will work now…well, they are only fooling themselves. Those that are true to two wheels and not cagers posing as bikers–happy hunting.

  12. harleygirl Says:

    I was at Screw Laughlin and I kept looking for those 1,600 undercover agents not even a command post. They usually come out with a command post I’m thinking after all these years and no problems why bother. Not sure where you get your info Rebel but you may want to look for someone new. As Mad as hell says there will always be cops and he is right it has not worked in the past so let them keep trying.

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