It is still déjà vu all over again in the North Korean vacation destination formerly known as Waco, Texas.
Twelve weeks and four days ago, People’s Republic of Waco security forces took something more than 177 capitalist stooges and their running dogs into custody for eating pulled pork sliders and fried pickles for breakfast. “Yes we’ve eaten donuts,” P.R.W. Tourism Commissar W. Patrick Swanton emphasized. “ A high number of people jailed, killed, or injured (while eating pulled pork and pickles) were not from the Waco area. We know that for a fact.”
Infallible Commissar of Laws Walter H. “Pete” Peterson smelled a stack of 354 mimeographed pages, fell into a fugue state, awoke giggling and declared all the criminal tourists to be guilty until proven innocent. There then began a long and tedious unfolding of laws and hearings and Official Truths. Swanton (wearing the big hat in the photo above) announced he was running for Field Marshall. Foreign lawyers from exotic nations like Dallas and Houston told lies and simultaneously avoided mandatory lobotomies. P.R.W. Enforcer of Liberty Abelino “Abel” Reyna ordered the foreign lawyers to shut their mouths lest their specious words endanger the freedom of the 177 capitalist stooges and their running dogs.
Infallible Commissar of Laws Peterson, on the advice of his P.R.W. appointed attorney, hoped to trap the foreign lawyers in a brilliant plot that began with his withdrawal from the case. The scheme, amazingly intelligent though it was, did not work The foreign lawyers avoided compassionate reeducation and continued their irresponsible chirping and chatter about ridiculous foreign concepts like “the Constitution.”
Peterson commented, “Doh!!”
Rogue elements in the Multi-Tiered Ministry of Many Laws threatened to allow one imperialist traitor named Clint Broden to speak to irresponsible writers and television presenters who are known to be enemies of the P.R.W. Last Friday, a panel of those decadent rogues announced that unless a way could be found to silence or eliminate this Broden within seven days, he would be allowed to chirp and chatter his ridiculous lies.
A runner with a big bag of nickels was dispatched to navigate the state of the art dirt roads of the P.R.W. to the nearest telephone booth – a distance of 46 miles – so that he might confer with Denis Rodman. Alas, the telephone booth had been disconnected a decade ago.
Sensing that this was a test from the Supreme Monster in the Sky, Enforcer of Liberty Reyna quickly took up his drug scale and his white cane and covered his worm-eaten eyes with a pair of very dark glasses. In a mere four days, tripping on crank and psilocybin, Enforcer of Liberty Reyna managed to cut and paste something very beautiful that could only be cut and pasted in the P.R.W.: A tried and true, 4,500 word argument that was virtually identical to what he had argued before and that had the additional virtues of totally lacking insight, wit or what foreign lawyers call “merit.”
Today the despicable Broden, submitted a 36 page response in which he quibbled over various details of Tourism Commissar Swanton’s wise words about “outlaw biker gangs.”
The despicable Broden claims to have studied his nefarious craft in the totally fictional village of Philadelphia. The hypothetical village far to the east of the P.R.W. was proven once and for all to be a complete fantasy that fateful day in May when Infallible Commissar of Laws Peterson could not find the village on a map.
That’s what happened in Waco today. For real.